Unbreakable Confidence: Rebuilding, Trusting, and Loving Like An Icon

Amanda Paolicelli: 00:00:06

What's up, radiant icons and welcome back to

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Dare To Be Iconic, the podcast made

for icons daring to be themselves.

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I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli.

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And for today's Tea Time sesh, we are

spilling the tea all about unbreakable

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confidence: how to rebuild, trust,

and love like the icon that you

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are in this new era of singleness.

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Whether this is from a platonic

relationship or romantic relationship,

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we are learning how to love ourselves,

how to trust ourselves, and how to

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rebuild trust after going through a

breakup, which I feel like is very

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timely in this state of my life.

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And we will get into that a little

bit later on in this tea time session.

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But before we do all that and spill the

piping hot tea, make sure to connect with

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me on socials on Instagram and TikTok.

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It's @amandapaolicelli_

and @daretobeiconic_.

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And if you're on LinkedIn, you already

know the drill connect with me on there.

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It's Amanda Paolicelli and all my socials

will be linked in the show notes below.

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And also it is almost time for Dare

To Be Iconic Second Masterclass,

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Daring To Be Confident, which

is on Saturday, April 19th.

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So we are a little bit like

less than a month away.

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It's at 1:00 PM Eastern.

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You can secure your spot

today at daretobeiconic.com.

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And that will also be

in the show notes below.

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Well, you know what?

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Here goes nothing.

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Radiant icons.

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I have never vocalized

this out loud before.

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I've only come to the realization

while I was prepping for this episode.

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And for me personally, I've been

single for about three years, and I

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know I'm not the only single person

that goes through the questioning of,

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oh my God, why are you still single?

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Oh my gosh, you need to

put yourself out there.

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Why haven't you put yourself out there?

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Like, it's been time,

it's been three years.

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Like, what are you doing?

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And the honest truth to that is I

am scared of falling in love again.

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I am scared of the possibility of getting

my heart broken because of the trauma that

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has happened in my past two relationships.

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I am scared that if I fall in

love again my heart will get

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broken and they will leave.

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And no matter how hard I have worked on

this fear of abandonment in therapy, it

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will always, always, always be a core

fear of mine 'cause it has happened too

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many times in romantic relationships.

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And I know you're gonna say, Amanda,

you've only had two boyfriends.

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I know, but two is two times too many.

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Two is two times too many to have that

happen to you over and over again when

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you are so young and with a whole bunch of

other trauma connected to relationships.

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I don't know if I wanna deal with that

anymore, but I know now in this era of

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singleness and working on myself for three

years, I have come to the two realizations

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of am I staying single because it's

easier for me to stay single than deal

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with the complicated emotions that

come with going through a relationship

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and being in one, so on and so forth.

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Or am I truly really ready to

bring someone into my life and

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put that effort into that area

and just go ahead and do it?

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And that is kind of where I'm at today.

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And that is kind of what influenced this,

this topic for today's tea time s because

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I know a lot of single people deal with

the dilemma of, are we just protecting

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our hearts by choosing to stay single

because we don't wanna deal with the

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whole complicatedness of a relationship

or are we truly ready to bring

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someone into our lives and just do it?

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But before you go into that relationship,

you need to know how to trust yourself,

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how to love yourself, and how to rebuild

yourself, how to pick up the pieces.

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You have to be your own individual.

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And I know in my two prior relationships,

I did not have a full sense of who I was.

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I thought I knew who I was, but

I truly did not know who I was.

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And I know now at 26 years old, if I

decide to go into a relationship at this

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point in my life, I now will be going

into that relationship as a whole person

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because I believe that your partner

should be in addition to your life,

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they should add value to your life that

you currently have built for yourself.

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They should not complete you.

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And I know that may be a little bit

of a controversial hot take, but

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you have to love yourself fully.

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You have to be your own best friend

before you add anyone else into the mix.

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So in this era of singleness, whether

it's from a friendship breakup or a

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romantic breakup, we need to learn

how to love ourselves, we need to

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know how to rebuild ourselves, and we

need to know how to trust ourselves.

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So I have created a blueprint for you

to build unbreakable confidence going

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into this era of singleness so no

one can shake the icon that you are.

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So let's get into it.

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Are you ready,radiant icons?

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Because your tea time

sesh is starting now.

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Step one is reconnecting with yourself.

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Confidence all starts from within,

so what makes you feel radiant?

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This is a time where you get

to be so selfish and you get to

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prioritize yourself, and you get

to figure out what makes you you.

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Maybe it's falling in love with new

hobbies that you never had a particular

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interest in, or maybe it's falling back

in love with stuff that you stopped doing.

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For me, I know that it was reading

again, it was finding new hobbies,

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like watching Formula One.

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All of these little things

helped me rediscover and helped

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me reconnect with myself.

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It really set the foundation of me

building and trusting and loving myself

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again because I was being so selfish

with my time and I was prioritizing

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what I wanted to do, and I was figuring

out what that was, what made me feel

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radiant, what made me feel confident

and falling in love with new hobbies

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or old hobbies, again, helped me

reconnect with who I am at my core.

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Step number two is healing

your relationship with love.

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You need to redefine what love

and trust look like to you.

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And I know, I know it's a little bit

scary, a little bit daunting, especially

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for us icons who have trauma from our

last relationships or trust issues.

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You know, they all, they all go hand in

hand and I know, I know, it's really scary

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thinking of redefining and fixing that

relationship with love and trust that you

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have because of the trauma that has come

out of those relationships, especially

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when that trust has been broken.

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But I think in order to heal

that relationship with love,

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you need to give yourself the

love that you know you deserve.

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You need to redefine it for yourself

because the longest relationship

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that you ever will be in in

life is the one with yourself.

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So take yourself out on some solo dates.

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By going out on these solo dates,

you are rewiring your brain into

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seeing love in a different way.

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You are seeing love for the first

time as the way as you should.

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When you take yourself out on a

date that you want to go to, you

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are redefining the terms of love.

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You are redefining the terms

of trust on your own timeline.

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So take yourself out on those

solo dates and treat yourself.

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You need to rewire your brain and

healing that relationship with

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love, and it all starts with you.

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You have to be your own best friend.

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So for you to build unbreakable confidence

in this era of singleness, be comfortable

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with being in your own company.

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And it all starts with how do you

treat yourself when you are alone?

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How do you give yourself the love

that you deserve when you are alone?

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How do you trust yourself

when you are alone?

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In this new era of iconicness for you,

you are not settling radiant icons.

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That's why step three is

identifying what you want and need.

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And I'm a little biased in this step

because I love me a Pros and cons list,

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like I absolutely love it, but you need

to identify what you want and need in

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a relationship moving forward, because

every relationship in your life teaches

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you something, every relationship in

your life there will always be lessons

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from it that you can take and apply

to other relationships in your life.

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This is the same exact concept.

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You need to evaluate your last

relationships and identify what you want

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to take forward in your next relationships

and identify what you need that you

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weren't given in your prior relationships.

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That's where pros and cons list

comes in, but you can do it

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anyway that feels true for you.

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That's just my preferred method of it.

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But when it comes to identifying

your wants and needs, we

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are not settling anymore.

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We are not accepting the bare minimum,

and we are being clear on our standards.

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There are no exceptions.

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Do not sell yourself short by being like,

ah, you know, this was a non-negotiable,

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but this person seems pretty okay.

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Like, we can work on it.

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Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

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Do not do that for yourself.

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Do not sell yourself short of

what you want and what you need.

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That is so important.

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Never ever settle for less.

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You are too iconic to do that, so do not.

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You need to sit down and evaluate what you

want to take from that relationship, that

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prior relationship that worked, and then

you need to look out what do you want?

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What was I not given in that

prior relationship that I want in

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my relationships moving forward?

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And is it a non-negotiable?

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If it's a non-negotiable,

do not settle for less.

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Do not budge because you wanna

make room for that person.

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Do not please their ego.

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Please do not do that.

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No one's ego is worth your mental sanity.

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Stay true to you.

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Never settle.

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And that's why step three

is one of my favorites.

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Now, step number four is taking

small steps in vulnerability.

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Vulnerability is your strength.

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It is your superpower in life.

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But that doesn't take away how scary

or daunting or overwhelming it can be

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to open up your heart to someone else

or even open up your heart to yourself.

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This step when it comes to

being vulnerable with yourself

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is all about self-reflection.

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It's about having the conversations that

maybe you've been putting off or maybe

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it's coming to terms with the stuff that

you've, you know, buried deep, deep down.

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This is the time for you to

be vulnerable and honest with

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yourself, not just with others.

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Yes, that is great, and you also need to

build on that skill, especially before

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you bring someone else into your life.

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But you also have to

be vulnerable with you.

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You have to deal with the stuff

that you've been pushing aside or

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that you don't want to deal with.

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The biggest thing for me when it came

to vulnerability was talking to a

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therapist and taking those small steps

and building the trust with her and

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being vulnerable about my life and being

honest with her about the realizations

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that I was having in all the assignments

that she was having me do because they

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forced me to be vulnerable with myself.

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And even though I thought it

was stupid at the time and I

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was like, why am I doing this?

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It was so beneficial, you

guys, it was so beneficial.

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So I had to build trust with

her, build trust with myself, be

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vulnerable with her, which in turn

helped me be vulnerable with myself.

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Every assignment that she had me do,

whether it was writing a letter to

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my ex and then burning it in my front

yard, or it was writing down the things

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that I was grateful for every day.

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Whatever the assignment was that I thought

was stupid actually helped me become

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vulnerable with myself and answer the

things and deal with the things head

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on that I didn't want to deal with.

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And I think that's what

this step is all rooted in.

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Step number five makes me a

little bit uncomfortable to

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talk about, but you know what?

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It's dare to be iconic, so

we're gonna do it anyway.

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And it's the step that I'm

currently at, which is embracing

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the possibility of love again.

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And like I mentioned in our

intro for today's tea time sesh,

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I am scared to fall in love.

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But the honest truth of it is that

love is not something you should fear.

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Love is so beautiful and the possibility

of finding love is even more beautiful,

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but it doesn't make it any less daunting.

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And when it comes to embracing that,

that possibility of falling in love,

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you just gotta take a leap of faith.

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There's no logic behind it,

there's no reasoning behind it.

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You just have to take the leap

of faith and put yourself out

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there because again, love is not

something that you should fear.

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Even though it is scary, and even

though I said I am scared of it, it's

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not something that I should fear.

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It is a privilege that we get

to fall in love with people.

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It's a privilege that we get

to fall in love with ourselves.

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It is so beautiful and it's not something

that we should fear, but I know it's scary

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because it's this fear of the unknown.

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And how do you know that you

are ready to embrace this

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possibility of falling in love?

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I don't think you ever truly will know.

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I really don't think so.

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I think that you can rebuild yourself,

that you can love yourself, and

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that you can trust yourself and

build this unbreakable confidence

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that no one can take away from you.

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But when it comes to, okay, now that

I've fully worked on myself, now I think

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I may be ready to put myself out there.

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I don't think you truly ever are fully

ready to do anything in your lifetime.

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You just have to do it.

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Because if we wait for all our ducks

to be in a row, we will never do it.

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We will never take that leap of faith.

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We will literally never jump to do it.

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So I think when it comes to embracing

falling in love again, you have to jump.

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You have to take that leap, and you just

have to trust that it's all going to

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work out, no matter how scary that it

is, because you've already done the work.

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You've already done the work

to rebuild yourself, to trust

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yourself and love yourself.

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Now it's time to take a leap of faith and

just do it, and that's where I'm currently

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at and I don't like, I don't like things

that don't have a concrete answer to them.

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But in this step in particular,

you just need to trust that

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it's all gonna work out.

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Before I end today's tea time

sesh, I just want to say to please

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remember that you are worthy of love.

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I know love is scary.

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I know it's daunting, but it's also,

like I said in step number five, it's

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something that we shouldn't be afraid of.

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It isn't something that we should fear,

but I know it's a fear for a lot of us,

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me included, but we are worthy of love.

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So love you first, and then

let the people who deserve you

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emphasis on who deserve you.

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Love you.

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Love is so beautiful.

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Love is a privilege.

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And just have your heart open

to the possibility of love and

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know that you are worthy of it.

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So I'm gonna do something a

little bit different for the

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end of this Tea Time session.

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I'm gonna challenge you guys with a

question, which is, what is one step that

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you are taking to open your heart again?

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And I will be sharing my answer in

the broadcast channel on my Instagram.

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So make sure to join

the Radiant Icon Club.

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All right, radiant icons.

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That is your tea time session for today.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, make

sure to subscribe, to leave a rating,

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a review, to comment, to tell your

friends about us, to tell everyone and

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anyone, because we love more radiant

icons in our iconic community of ours.

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Until next week, remember,

radiant icons, dare to be iconic.

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Bye.