The Friendship Breakup Glowup: Moving On & Leveling Up

Amanda Paolicelli: 00:00:06

What's up Radiant Icons And welcome back to Dare To

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Be Iconic, the podcast made for

icons daring to be themselves.

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I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli.

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And you guys, we are back

with brand new episodes.

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I know you have been waiting for it.

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I am so excited to deliver.

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And today's tea time sesh is no exception.

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It is one of my most

requested episode topics.

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And if you haven't guessed it by the

title of this episode, well, we're

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spilling the tea on friendship breakups.

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But before we spill all that piping

hot tea, make sure to connect with me

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on socials, on Instagram and TikTok.

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It's at amandapolitelli underscore.

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And if you are on LinkedIn because you

know me, Radiant Icons, I love me some

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LinkedIn and has truly changed my life.

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But any who, if you are on LinkedIn,

make sure to connect with me on there.

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It's Amanda Policelli and all my

socials are linked in the show notes

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below And also, Radiant Icons, don't

forget to secure your spot for Dare

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to be Iconic's second masterclass,

Daring to be Confident, on April 19th.

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Tickets are now live on daretobeiconic.

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com and I can't wait to see you

there, so make sure to register today.

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Now that we've gotten all of

that out of the way, let's

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talk about friendship breakups.

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Here's the thing.

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Friends are our lifeline in life.

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They are the people that get us

through the really hard shit, and

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they are the people that we share

amazing, joyful memories with.

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Our friendships are complex

and complicated relationships.

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And yes, you can say that about any

relationship, but friendships are special.

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Friendships are different because

friendships are what get us through life.

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Our friends are the people we share

our deepest, darkest secrets with.

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They are the people that we laugh

about the stupidest shit with.

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They are the people that know you

inside and out, upside and down.

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Our friends are the people

that are attached to distinct

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memories in our lives.

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And when that friendship

breaks or when that friendship

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shifts That is hard to stomach.

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That is hard to navigate, because it's

like you're saying goodbye to a period

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of your life because those memories that

are so ingrained in your mind and in

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your heart are attached to that person.

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Frankly, I think The power of

friendship, as cheesy as it sounds, is

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so overlooked by mainstream media, and

I don't know why no one talks about

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how hard it is to navigate friendship

breakups or friendship shifts.

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I'm at a period in my life where A

lot of my friendships are shifting,

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and that is hard to navigate.

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Yes, that person is still in

my life, but in a different

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capacity than they once were.

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And I would be lying to you if I didn't

tell you that sometimes I look at these

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friendships that are shifting and I

think back of how we first started

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our friendship and I think back of

all those good times and it makes me a

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little bit sad that this friendship is

growing apart and that it's shifting

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because we as people are evolving and

growing and yes, that's okay, but no

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one talks about how do you navigate it?

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How do you deal with it 'cause

it's not easy, you guys.

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It's really, really hard.

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And that is what we're

spilling the tea on today.

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How do you glow up from

a friendship breakup?

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How do you move on and level up?

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How do you navigate these emotions

that are complex and complicated?

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How do you do that?

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And in classic Amanda fashion,

you know I have a four step plan.

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I love me a plan.

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And well, I'm gonna share

it here with you guys today.

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So, Let's get into it.

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Are you ready Radiant Icons?

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Because your tea time

sesh is starting now.

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The first step in your friendship breakup

glow up is acknowledging the pain and

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grief that you are currently experiencing.

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Just like any type of breakup

that you go through in life, You

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were saying goodbye to a person.

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You were saying goodbye

to a chapter of your life.

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And that person meant so much to you for

X amount of months to X amount of years.

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They went through a lot of shit with you.

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There's a lot of history there.

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It is normal to feel pain.

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It is normal to feel hurt.

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It is normal to grieve that

friendship and that person.

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That is so normal, you guys, and

that is the first step in leveling

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up your emotional self awareness.

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As I mentioned in our intro for this

episode, I'm currently in a season

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of my life where there's a lot of

friendship shifts, and friendship

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shifts are when you realize that you

both are growing apart, but you don't

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want to let go of the relationship.

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You realize that the dynamics in

your relationship are changing.

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Friendship shifts happen because

you both are evolving as people.

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Sometimes it does hurt my heart to see how

the dynamics of a friendship have changed.

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I've had this friend for Over a

decade at this point in my life.

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And, you know, for the last

couple of years, we've been going

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through a friendship shift and I

don't know if she's feeling it.

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And frankly, I'm too scared

to have that conversation.

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I don't want to have that conversation

because it's very daunting, but you

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know, maybe I do need to have it.

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Because I look back at the start of

our friendship, and I look back at all

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the memories that we've had together,

and you can tell the exact moment where

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the friendship dynamic has changed.

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And, and that's painful,

and that's hard to navigate.

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However, as hard as it was for me

to digest that information and to

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acknowledge the pain and to kind of

grieve that friendship, grieve what it

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used to be, I had to acknowledge it in

order for me to move on and level up.

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And the same can go for

friendship breakups.

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I think friendship breakups

are so hurtful because we

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feel so deeply as humans.

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And when we trust someone with every fiber

of our being, for good or for bad, and

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they're there through the thick of it and

the thin of it, it is hard to say goodbye.

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But when it comes to a friendship breakup

or a friendship shift ,You need to

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acknowledge the pain you are experiencing.

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You need to acknowledge the hurt

that you are experiencing and you

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need to acknowledge the grief.

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It is real.

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It is normal, and you have to do

it in order for you to level up

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in your emotional self awareness.

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So now that we've acknowledged the

pain and the grief, it is time for us

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to level up emotionally and mentally.

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It is time for us to start

healing, to start moving on.

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And that all starts with a mindset shift.

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And you guys know that I

love me a mindset shift.

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In fact, I solely accredit

my Dare to Be Iconic journey

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starting because I retrained my

brain and reframed my mindset.

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By taking in, in my case, moments

of gratitude, it allowed me to

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start thinking more positively.

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Because before this Dare To

Be Iconic journey, you know I

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was not thinking positively.

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You know this Amanda today was not there.

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And that's okay.

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We love growth.

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We love her.

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But in this case, when it comes to

this friendship breakup, you need

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to start with a mindset shift.

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This breakup happened for a reason.

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You need to see this breakup as not

only a clean slate to start a new,

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right, but You also need to see it as an

opportunity for you to personally grow.

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And that all starts with

reframing your mindset.

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You need to see this as an opportunity

for growth, for an opportunity

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to have some self reflection,

to have some self awareness.

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Why did this friendship breakup happen?

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What was your part in it?

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No one likes to own up to what

they did wrong to cause a certain

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situation or event to happen.

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Trust me, I know.

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But in order for me to move on in

any type of breakup in my life, I

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had to acknowledge my part in it.

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We are not perfect.

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In fact, we are imperfectly iconic,

as you guys remember from season one.

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We need to accept All of our

flaws, which means we need to

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own up to what we did wrong.

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We need to hold ourselves accountable

and that's not easy and that's really,

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really hard, but you got to do it in order

to move on and level up emotionally and

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mentally, that is just the matter of fact.

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So, when it comes to shifting

your mindset, start with

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easy tasks and build it up.

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Because, again, it's not a sprint,

it's a marathon, Radiant Icons.

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In order for you to shift your mindset,

it's not gonna happen overnight.

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Healing is a rollercoaster.

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Damn, I'm really bringing out all

the Season 1 references, you guys.

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But, like, honestly All of this

healing, all of this moving on, all

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of this leveling up emotionally and

mentally will not happen overnight.

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But the first thing that you can do for

yourself in order to level up, in order to

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glow up, in order to truly start healing,

even though it's a rollercoaster journey,

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is you need to shift your mindset.

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You need to reframe your thoughts.

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You need to retrain your brain.

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You need to acknowledge and hold

yourself accountable for what you

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played a part of in this breakup.

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You gotta do it.

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Another strategy, when it comes to

healing and moving on and starting that

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leveling up process is setting boundaries.

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And I know we've spoken about boundaries

before on here and I know I've also

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said they're not easy, you know, they

are complicated to set and it's a lot

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of trial and error, seeing what works

for you and what doesn't work for you.

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But when it comes to this aftermath

of a friendship breakup and

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starting that, that leveling up

process, Try setting boundaries.

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Try seeing what works for you.

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Maybe that's what happened in your last

friendship and why it had to end, right?

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Maybe boundaries weren't

being established.

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Let's try that out in the next one.

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Let's see how we can learn.

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Let's see how we can Grow from it

because every breakup, every goodbye that

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you say in life happens for a reason.

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There is a reason you

say goodbye to people.

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There is a reason why people come into

your life for certain periods or seasons.

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There is a reason, there is a

lesson to all of this madness.

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And maybe, maybe, that friendship

breakup happened because Both of

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you weren't establishing boundaries.

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And maybe that's a realization that

you're able to take from that breakup

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and put that towards another friendship.

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Maybe that's what you learned from that

person, that you need to set harder

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boundaries when it comes to friendships.

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And that's okay.

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That's okay that you didn't realize

that until that friendship ended,

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but all you can do now is take that

to the next friendship that you

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go into and try it out and see.

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And if that's not the reason why,

let's take something else and

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apply it to the new friendship.

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There are so many reasons why

friendship breakups happen.

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There's so many reasons, you guys.

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I've had friends ghost me, I've had

friends where we fought about the

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stupidest shit, and we just ended

up not being in each other's lives.

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But what I took from every

friendship breakup that has

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happened in my life is I've tried

to pick apart What did I do wrong?

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What did I contribute to this breakup?

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And how can I take it and apply it

to other friendships in my life?

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I had one of my best friends from

high school ghost me out of nowhere.

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Just one day she stopped talking to me.

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And at the time, that really, really hurt.

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That shit sucked, okay?

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To be so frank with you

guys, that shit sucked.

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It hurt like hell.

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And I didn't know why, because

she never gave me closure.

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And maybe that's a running theme

in my life when you look at my

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ex boyfriends, but you know what?

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We're gonna ignore that right

now, because we're talking about

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romantic relationships next week.

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But in friendship breakups, that

one friend that was my best friend

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for my entire high school career

and then some into college, right?

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That's like seven, eight years of my life.

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She just stopped talking

to me out of nowhere.

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And as much as it hurt, and as painful

as it was, After I grieved that

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friendship, I had to take a step back

and ask myself the hard questions.

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Why did this friendship end?

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How did I contribute to this?

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And once I picked apart the reasons

as to Maybe how I contributed, I

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was able to take those lessons, take

everything that I realized and do

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better and be better for my other

friendships that are still in my life.

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And that's what step two is all about.

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Here's the thing with step three

It's a little bit controversial,

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So let's get into it.

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Step three is the importance of

friendships that align with your values

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and a lot of people think that this is

about judgment Step three is all about

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seeing if your friendships elevate you.

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All of your friendships in life Should

make you want to be a better person.

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They should inspire you to be better.

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If your friendships are not

elevating you, you do not want

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it- point blank and period.

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And in fact, it is okay for you to craft

your community, to craft your circle

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into a supportive, aligned environment.

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Because frankly, at the end of the day,

you are who you surround yourself with.

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You are who you hang out with.

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And maybe a lot of people don't

agree with it, and that's okay.

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But I personally think if you are on this

journey of glowing up and leveling up

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and moving on, you need to take a hard

look at your past friendships, right?

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What happened?

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What went wrong?

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That's, that's step two.

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Okay, great.

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We've done that.

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To go to step three, in order for

you to truly level up, you've already

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realized what went wrong in that breakup.

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And you're going to take that and

apply it into other areas of your life.

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Great.

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That's perfect.

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You need to apply it to the friendships

that are already going on in your life.

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You need to evaluate each

friendship and ask yourself,

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does this friendship elevate me?

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Where can I do better?

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Does it make me want to be better?

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Does it inspire me to be better?

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How can I be better in this relationship?

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What is the value that I am gaining?

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If you are not gaining value, you

need to take a second look at that.

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Why do you want friendships that

are not going to help you glow up?

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Because this is the process

that we're in, right?

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We are in this friendship breakup glow

up, and the way I can relate to this

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personally because again, I mentioned

I'm in this weird, awkward, interesting,

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transitional period of my life where I'm

going through a lot of friendship shifts.

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They're not breakups, so to

say, but I'm seeing a lot of

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dynamics in my friendships change.

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And again, I've had friends since High

school, college, I'm 26 now, you know,

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I'm not good at math, so I'm not gonna

do the math and embarrass myself here.

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But you know, that's

a long ass time, okay?

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I I'm a loyal girl.

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I have friends for a

long ass time in my life.

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Of course, friendship

dynamics are going to change.

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Friendship dynamics are going to shift.

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That's completely normal.

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But in order for me to glow up, right,

in order for me to embrace my most

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iconic self and I'm on this journey of

it, I need to come to terms with the

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friendships that are not benefiting me.

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And you know what, for me

personally, I'm struggling with this.

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Like, I'm not even gonna lie to you guys.

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Step three, has not only been one

of the most important parts of this

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glow up process from a friendship

breakup, but it's also been one

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of the hardest parts for me.

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I'm used to going through the, the hard

stuff of realizing what you did wrong

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and applying it to the other things.

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Yeah, I'm good at that, okay?

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I got really good at that after

getting my heart broken through

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a letter and a box, okay?

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We understand, we get that, but this, this

right here of Taking that, that step back

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and evaluating each friendship and seeing

what it brings to your life and the value,

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so on and so forth, like, that's hard.

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Even though I know that the friendship

has shifted, or that maybe it is time,

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like, that friendship has run its

course, it's hard for me to say goodbye.

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That's a hard realization to come

to, especially when it's friendships

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that are decades, years long.

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You know deep down what you need

to do, but sometimes you don't

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want to do it, and I get it.

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It's like, that's what I'm struggling

with right now, but in this third

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step, it requires you to really ask

yourself those questions and evaluate

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each friendship in your life because

you're on this trajectory of just

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leveling up emotionally and mentally

and embracing your most iconic self.

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And in order for you to keep going on that

trajectory, you need to surround yourself

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with a supportive, aligned community.

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You'll be happy to know Radiant Icons

that the hardest part of the friendship

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break up glow up is behind us, okay?

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So now, let's go to step four.

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Step four is rooted in healing.

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As I mentioned in season one, and as I

keep on saying, and I know you guys are

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sick of it, but healing isn't linear.

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: 00:18:22

Healing is a rollercoaster, there's

upside down, twists and turns.

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: 00:18:26

It makes it a thrilling ride to

be on, and I think the core of

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: 00:18:32

finding peace is in accepting the

imperfectly iconic journey of healing.

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: 00:18:39

Of course, you're going to have

moments of bitterness of wishfulness

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: 00:18:44

of what could have been if you

guys kept working on it, right?

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: 00:18:50

All of those feelings and emotions

and thoughts, they are all valid and

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: 00:18:56

it's going to happen, and sometimes

it may feel like backsliding but

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: 00:19:01

that is just part of the process.

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: 00:19:04

You can't regress on this healing journey.

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: 00:19:07

You can only truly, truly go forward.

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: 00:19:10

There is no regression that is

happening when you feel these other

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: 00:19:15

emotions, thoughts, and feelings

that come up in this healing process.

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: 00:19:20

One of the things that I did

personally when emotions came to

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: 00:19:24

the surface, or memories came back.

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: 00:19:28

I just wrote it out, and I know

you guys are probably so tired

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: 00:19:31

of me saying this, but journaling

really is so therapeutic for me.

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: 00:19:36

Writing allows me to come to terms with

every thought that is going on in my

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: 00:19:43

brain, because there's a lot of shit

that's going on in there, and For me,

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: 00:19:47

the challenge was writing everything

out and not going back to correct it.

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: 00:19:52

Because I'm also a perfectionist, so

I'm gonna want to go back and make

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: 00:19:55

sure that everything makes sense.

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: 00:19:56

But you know what?

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: 00:19:57

The point wasn't that.

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: 00:19:58

The point was for me to write

out every thought and feeling

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: 00:20:01

that was coming to the surface.

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: 00:20:03

I needed to get it out.

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: 00:20:05

Letting all those feelings and

thoughts go, really really does help

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: 00:20:10

and it allows you to continue to

find peace in this new chapter as

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: 00:20:15

you're glowing up and leveling up.

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: 00:20:17

All right, Radiant Icons, that

is your tea time sesh for today.

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: 00:20:21

If you enjoyed today's episode, make

sure to subscribe, to leave a rating,

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: 00:20:24

a review, to tell your friends about

us, to tell everyone and anyone,

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: 00:20:28

because we love more Radiant Icons

and our iconic community of ours.

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: 00:20:33

I am literally so excited for

next week's tea time sesh.

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: 00:20:37

It has been a topic that I have

been dying To share with you guys

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: 00:20:41

ever since literally the premiere

th of: 2024

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: 00:20:46

I have been waiting for this tea time

sesh that will be live next week.

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: 00:20:50

It is the Breakup Bible: Your

Guide To Surviving Heartbreak.

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: 00:20:54

We are talking about how to mend your

broken heart after a romantic breakup.

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: 00:21:01

And if there is anyone qualified

to share her tips and tricks on how

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: 00:21:05

to get over a traumatic Breakup.

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: 00:21:08

How to get over heartbreak.

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: 00:21:10

I think it's me.

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: 00:21:11

I think a letter in a box, you know,

helps me in that process and I can't

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: 00:21:16

wait to share it with you guys.

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: 00:21:18

I am so excited.

355

: 00:21:20

So I will chat with you guys next week.

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: 00:21:22

Remember, radiant icons dare To Be Iconic.

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: 00:21:26

Bye.