Red Flags, Green Flags, and The Beige Icks
Let’s decode those red flags, the green flags, and those beige icks in dating together, radiant icons.
This week, Amanda is breaking down the dating signals we love, the ones we ignore (oops), and the ones that just give... ick. From underrated green flags that scream emotional maturity to beige icks that lowkey drain your soul, she’s spilling the tea about it all—hotline questions, personal stories, and those moments when we knew we should’ve run but didn’t.
This episode is your reminder that being iconic in love starts with being iconic in how you see yourself. You’ll walk away with real tips for trusting your intuition, setting boundaries, and becoming your own green flag. Because around here, we don’t settle—we elevate.
✨ Sip your tea, grab your journal, and let’s decode dating together.
Connect with Amanda:
Shop the Paddock Icons Collection today!
Got a question for Amanda or a topic you'd love to hear discussed on a future episode? Submit your question to the "Dare To Be Iconic Hotline" today!
Time Stamps:
00:00 Welcome to Dare To Be Iconic
02:07 Underrated Green Flags in Dating
04:47 Identifying Safe and Healthy Relationships
06:08 Becoming the Green Flag
09:15 Spotting Red Flags Early
14:16 Dealing with Ignored Red Flags
15:21 Understanding Beige Icks
19:42 See you next week!
Transcript
What's up, radiant icons and welcome back to
2
:Dare To Be Iconic, the podcast made
for icons daring to be themselves.
3
:I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli,
and for today's tea time sesh well,
4
:we're diving into those green flags,
those red flags, and those beige icks
5
:because when you are on this daring
to date journey, sometimes it gets
6
:hard to decipher what's a red flag?
7
:What's a green flag and man am I
just not interested in him anymore?
8
:You know?
9
:Been there, done that.
10
:So yeah, that is what we are spilling the
tea on today, and I am answering all of
11
:your Dare To Be Iconic hotline questions.
12
:But before we get into that, make
sure to connect with me on socials
13
:radiant icons on Instagram and
TikTok, it's @amandapaolicelli_
14
:and @daretobeiconic_.
15
:And if you're on LinkedIn,
well, you already know what
16
:I'm gonna say, radiant icons.
17
:Make sure to connect with me on there.
18
:It's Amanda Paolicelli.
19
:All of my socials will be linked in
the show notes below, but any who?
20
:Anyway, I have all this energy
because it's Dare To Be Iconic
21
:Hotline time, I love answering your
questions live on this podcast.
22
:It honestly is one of my favorite,
favorite, favorite segments of the
23
:podcast, and I am so happy to bring
it back for this mini series and
24
:I decided because red flags, green
flags and the Beige icks are honestly
25
:such important topics to talk about
on this daring to date journey that
26
:I'm answering all of your questions
live here, so let's just get into
27
:the chaos because I already feel it.
28
:I feel a little unhinged
and also very, very iconic.
29
:So let's get into it, radiant icons.
30
:Are you ready for your tea time session?
31
:Because it's starting now.
32
:Okay, first question, radiant icons.
33
:We're talking about some green flags here.
34
:What are some underrated green
flags we should be looking for?
35
:Well, honestly, I think the number one
underrated green flag is if he lets you
36
:have a one direction concert in his car.
37
:And when I'm talking about
a one direction concert.
38
:I'm talking about the best
private showing of your life.
39
:Um, yeah.
40
:If he lets you take the aux cord and
scream, sing one direction at your
41
:full one direction potential, then
yeah, that's an underrated green flag.
42
:And yes, I'm talking from experience
'cause that's exactly what my boyfriend
43
:let me do on our second date, so
that's an underrated green flag.
44
:But anyway, other than the one direction
example, a very underrated green flag
45
:is someone who follows through where
their actions and words actually align.
46
:If they are telling me, Hey, let's
hang out, and they actually make
47
:a plan for it, that is a green
flag and that is so underrated.
48
:You need to keep them.
49
:If they actually follow through
on what they are telling you.
50
:Their words and actions align.
51
:Yeah.
52
:Yeah.
53
:That's a keeper.
54
:That is a keeper.
55
:That's an underrated green flag.
56
:Another one is that they
celebrate your wins big and small.
57
:If they champion you, if they celebrate
you, and they celebrate the little
58
:things and the big things in life.
59
:Yeah.
60
:Keeper, underrated green flag
right there, because that means
61
:that they are secure, okay?
62
:And that they are not in some
silent competition with you.
63
:That they truly accept you and
celebrate every part of you, okay?
64
:Because I cannot stand a man
who is intimidated by success.
65
:I need a man who is going to champion me,
who's going to celebrate me and celebrate
66
:every moment of my life whether it is a
small iconic win or a big iconic win, that
67
:means more to me than you will ever know.
68
:That is such a green flag.
69
:Another one is accountability.
70
:When they mess up and they own up to it,
and that character arc, right, of how do
71
:they redeem themselves after, you know,
they mess up and they take accountability.
72
:How are they showing up?
73
:How are they redeeming themselves?
74
:That is so telling on their character.
75
:And honestly, that's so attractive
when they're like, yeah, you're right.
76
:I'm sorry I didn't handle that well.
77
:And then this is how I'm going to show you
that I'm going to make up for it, right?
78
:That is how I'm going to show you that
I'm gonna redeem myself from this mistake.
79
:That's hot, that's sexy, that's
attractive, that's a green flag.
80
:That's very underrated, and that
needs to be celebrated more.
81
:Someone who takes actual accountability.
82
:Next question, how do I know if
I'm in a safe, healthy situation?
83
:Safe relationships are when you feel
like you can truly breathe for the
84
:first time and speak your mind so
freely, there's no if, ands or buts.
85
:There's no, oh my gosh.
86
:If I say this, I'm gonna get into argument
with them because they're gonna get mad.
87
:No, no, no, no, no.
88
:Safe relationships are quiet.
89
:They are easy.
90
:They are where You feel
seen and safe and respected.
91
:That is a safe relationship.
92
:Safe relationships do not have this,
this chaos around it that most of
93
:us are used too if I do X, Y, and
Z, they're going react this way.
94
:A safe and healthy relationship is
based on that foundation of calmness.
95
:Do they bring a certain level
of calmness to your life?
96
:Do they give you this, this
quietness, this groundedness
97
:is honestly even a better word.
98
:Do they give you this groundedness
of just being so secure in nature, in
99
:your relationship, in your connection.
100
:If they don't give you calmness it's not a
safe relationship, but if they do, if they
101
:give you that safety and that security,
that's a safe, healthy relationship.
102
:Oh, I love this question, radiant icons,
and I may be completely biased and I
103
:will get to that in my answer, but the
question is, can I be the green flag?
104
:How do I show up as one?
105
:Here's the thing, radiant
icon, you are the green flag.
106
:Point blank and period.
107
:And honestly, I remember the
first time that my boyfriend had
108
:texted me, you are such a green
flag and I will never forget that.
109
:So radiant icon, you are automatically
a green flag because you are here on
110
:the dare to be iconic journey with us.
111
:But to answer the second part
of your question, um, how do
112
:I show up as a green flag?
113
:Well.
114
:For me, I think showing up as a green flag
means that you communicate clearly because
115
:we do not have time for games here.
116
:Okay?
117
:We do not have time for games
on this daring to date journey,
118
:so you communicate clearly.
119
:I love some good communication.
120
:That is a very attractive, and
that's what makes you a green flag.
121
:The second thing is being self-aware
of your own triggers and patterns.
122
:Self-awareness is sexy.
123
:I don't care what anyone else says.
124
:Being self-aware of how you work
in your everyday life and the
125
:things that trigger you and your
patterns, that is sexy as hell.
126
:Okay?
127
:That's being a green flag.
128
:Another way you can be a green flag is
honoring your boundaries and theirs.
129
:You are in a relationship, okay?
130
:You are working together as a union.
131
:You are coming together in this
partnership not only does that
132
:other person that you are in this
partnership or relationship with
133
:need to respect your boundaries.
134
:You also need to respect theirs.
135
:So this mutual respect you have
going for each other's boundaries.
136
:Oh, the most amazing, incredible thing
that is being a green flag, that you
137
:respect your own boundaries and theirs.
138
:You've gotta prioritize the other person
just as much as you prioritize yourself.
139
:Point blank and period, like there
is no other discussion on that.
140
:Then the last way that you can be
a green flag is loving yourself
141
:enough to not settle or chase.
142
:You are too iconic to settle
or chase someone that is not at
143
:your level radiant icon, okay?
144
:You need to love yourself enough to know
when someone is just not at your level.
145
:And that's okay.
146
:And I know a lot of people have a
lot of things to say about that, but
147
:frankly, I don't give a shit, okay?
148
:You need to love yourself enough to
know that that person is not it for you.
149
:Do not settle because you are too, too.
150
:To deal with, to deal with
less than what you deserve.
151
:And that's being a green flag.
152
:And I am just so, I'm so passionate
about that shit because honestly,
153
:green flags start with you and loving
yourself is the foundation of everything.
154
:So now that we've spilt the tea on
those green flags, it's time to talk
155
:about the danger zone, radiant icons.
156
:It's time to talk about those red flags.
157
:How do I spot a red flag before
it becomes a deal breaker?
158
:My best piece of advice, pay
attention to the small stuff.
159
:And this is rooted in self-awareness
because you know your boundaries,
160
:you know your triggers, okay?
161
:Pay attention to the stuff that makes
your stomach a little bit unsettled,
162
:that makes you go, Ooh, wait.
163
:I don't like that clock, that shit,
clock that shit then and there.
164
:That is how you spot a red flag.
165
:Pay attention to those small stuff.
166
:So do they dodge accountability
or always blame others?
167
:Again, we spoke about green flags, right?
168
:And we spoke about how accountability
is such an underrated green flag,
169
:but it's so incredibly sexy, right?
170
:Well, if they dodge accountability or
always blame others, that's a red flag.
171
:You gotta pay attention to that.
172
:Another one, do they love
bomb and then withdraw?
173
:Ooh, man, if I had a penny for
every time I've experienced some
174
:love bombing, I would be rich.
175
:Okay.
176
:But yeah.
177
:Do they love bomb?
178
:And then they withdraw?
179
:That's not a guy you want
in your life, I promise you.
180
:That's not a guy you want.
181
:That's a red flag.
182
:I.
183
:Do you feel the need to explain
away their behavior to friends?
184
:If you have to explain away the behavior
of the guy that you are into, or the
185
:individual, I should say, honestly,
of the individual you are interested
186
:in to your friends, because you know
your friends won't deal with the shit
187
:that they are putting you through.
188
:Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl.
189
:That's a red flag.
190
:If you cannot tell your girlfriends,
you cannot rave to them about how
191
:amazing this person is in your life.
192
:You already know the answer.
193
:You already know you
should not be with them.
194
:And it's okay.
195
:I've done that too.
196
:I have done that too.
197
:But if you cannot rave about that person
to them, and you have to justify or
198
:explain away why they did X, Y, and z.
199
:You already know the answer.
200
:Okay, let's be so for real.
201
:You already know.
202
:Okay.
203
:Red flags often show up
quietly, but your body knows.
204
:Your body always knows.
205
:It's like that thing on TikTok when
they say that your body rejects
206
:an individual Right away before
your mind can catch up to it.
207
:Something like that, right?
208
:Well, yeah.
209
:if your body is telling you no, if
it is shutting down and it's reacting
210
:poorly, that person is not for you.
211
:They are a red flag.
212
:If you have to negotiate your
standards or you have to explain
213
:the way to your friends and justify
their behavior, run the other way.
214
:Run the other way, that
person is not worth it.
215
:They are a red flag, and
that is how you spot it.
216
:This is a good one.
217
:I noticed one red flag.
218
:Should I run or talk it through?
219
:Well, I may not be the best person
to ask about that, but I, my, my
220
:answer is always run the other way.
221
:You see a red flag run the other way.
222
:So, but honestly, you
don't have to run away.
223
:You don't have to run away.
224
:But you do need to name it.
225
:You do need to address it because
if there's another thing that I
226
:love more than running the other
way, once you see a red flag is
227
:talking it through, because maybe.
228
:Maybe there's some, there's
an explanation, right?
229
:There's a justification to it, right?
230
:Maybe.
231
:Alright.
232
:That, that's a, maybe that's a very
small chance of a maybe, but you don't
233
:always have to run away from it, right?
234
:You could talk it through.
235
:Okay.
236
:You do need to name it.
237
:So ask, is this a pattern?
238
:Or is this a one-off moment?
239
:And you know what?
240
:We all have our one-off moments
where we're not feeling it right.
241
:However, if you are observing this
pattern of behavior happening time
242
:and time again, and you bring it
up and you name the issue, right?
243
:You name the issue,
you tell them about it.
244
:Look at the way they respond: are they
defensive or do they respond with growth?
245
:If they respond with defensiveness,
you already know your answer.
246
:You need to run.
247
:That is a red flag.
248
:Remember, if it cost you
your peace consistently,
249
:it's not worth the potential.
250
:Do not romanticize the potential
of who that person could be.
251
:And again, it's different
if it's a one off moment.
252
:We all have our off days.
253
:However, if this is a pattern
that keeps on happening and you
254
:name it consistently with them,
'cause you talk through it, right?
255
:You chose not to run away.
256
:You're naming it and talking
through it with them, and they
257
:respond with defensiveness.
258
:It is not worth your peace.
259
:Do not romanticize potential.
260
:We do not have time to
romanticize potential.
261
:All right?
262
:You're too iconic for that shit.
263
:We're not dealing with it.
264
:That's a red flag.
265
:I feel this next question in my soul, what
if I ignored the red flags for too long?
266
:Been there, done that, been
there, done that radiant icon.
267
:There's no shame in it.
268
:Okay?
269
:And guess what?
270
:You're not alone.
271
:We've all stayed way too long in
a relationship we shouldn't have.
272
:We've all ignored the red
flags that we shouldn't have.
273
:So you're not alone in it,
and you're also not behind.
274
:You are just wiser now.
275
:Now you know what to look out for.
276
:That's self-awareness.
277
:That's when that self-awareness comes in.
278
:You know, the red flags that you're
not gonna put up with anymore.
279
:And that's what I think is the most
beautiful part of this whole learning
280
:experience with dating is realizing the
red flags that you put up with for way
281
:too long, you are not gonna do that again.
282
:You get to choose differently.
283
:And that's the power in it.
284
:So not only are you wiser now,
but you get to choose differently
285
:because you have all the power.
286
:I love talking about red flags.
287
:It's just my favorite, favorite thing.
288
:But now that we've spoken about
those red flags, let's talk about
289
:those beige icks right, or those slow
burns of disinterest because we've
290
:also been there too, radiant icons.
291
:So let's get into it.
292
:What's a beige ick versus a deal breaker?
293
:All right, so when it comes to a
beige ick, it isn't dangerous, okay?
294
:It isn't a red flag
where it's danger zone.
295
:You gotta run the other way.
296
:No, no, no, no, no.
297
:A beige ache just means
it's just not for you.
298
:Okay?
299
:It's not a violation, it's
just an energy mismatch.
300
:So for me personally, a beige
ick is someone eats string cheese
301
:like it's spaghetti, right?
302
:Just say that's my beige ick.
303
:A deal breaker for me is
someone who lies to me.
304
:I cannot be with someone who lies to me.
305
:Absolutely not.
306
:A relationship is built on trust.
307
:That's a deal breaker for me, right?
308
:A beige ick is the string cheese.
309
:A beige ick just makes me go, oh, okay.
310
:That's just, that's just not for me.
311
:Like that's just not attractive.
312
:I do not find that sexy.
313
:Okay.
314
:Like that's an energy mismatch, right?
315
:It's not a violation.
316
:It's not that red flag where
we have to run the other way.
317
:It's just means that it's not for me.
318
:It's something where I'm like, Ugh.
319
:And I like say that to myself, right?
320
:I'm like, oh, that's actually not, Ooh, I
can't look at you the sameway again right?
321
:That's what a beige ick is.
322
:A deal breaker is something that
you just don't tolerate with.
323
:A deal breaker is something
where it's like, absolutely not.
324
:That is a firm line, and if you
do that, you can't be with me.
325
:A beic ick something where it's like,
okay, like I may not look at you
326
:the same anymore, but like, okay.
327
:Oh, like I, I'm not gonna break up
with you, but like also it doesn't
328
:make me insanely attracted to
you anymore as I was beforehand.
329
:You know what I mean?
330
:You get what I'm saying?
331
:So, yeah, that's the difference
between a beige ick and a deal breaker.
332
:Am I wrong for feeling
icked out by small things?
333
:Nope.
334
:No, no, no, no.
335
:Trust your icks.
336
:Okay?
337
:Like I tell you to trust
your instincts, right?
338
:And trust your gut.
339
:Trust your icks.
340
:Okay?
341
:If something consistently turns
you off, radiant icons or makes you
342
:cringe a little, don't ignore it.
343
:Okay?
344
:Like clock it, right?
345
:You're allowed to want alignment and
attraction with someone like it is, okay?
346
:What's small to someone else
might be huge for you, so it's
347
:okay that you have these icks.
348
:It's okay that these small
things are actually maybe huge
349
:for you, like that's okay.
350
:So it's about knowing
your vibe and owning it.
351
:Honestly, when it comes to beige icks.
352
:How do I bring up beige
icks without sounding petty?
353
:Well, you don't have
to announce every ick.
354
:Okay?
355
:Like you don't have to.
356
:However, if it is something that actually
is affecting your compatibility with
357
:that other person, so I'm talking
about communication style, I'm talking
358
:about humor, I'm talking about hygiene.
359
:Okay?
360
:Hygiene is very important.
361
:Then you need to bring it up kindly.
362
:Okay?
363
:So an example I have here is, hey, like,
this may sound silly, but I realize I
364
:really value X, Y, and Z, and I notice
we're still a little different there.
365
:Can we talk about it?
366
:That's how you address the
beige ick and not be petty.
367
:It's just emotional
maturity, radiant icons.
368
:Okay?
369
:You need to bring up things that
are affecting your compatibility.
370
:So again, that's hygiene, that's
humor, that's communication style.
371
:Those are things that affect your
compatibility in your relationship.
372
:If it's anything else, you don't
have to announce every ick that
373
:you clock, you just don't.
374
:But if it's something that's affecting
the entirety of your relationship and it's
375
:those core foundational things, you need
to bring it up in an emotional mature way.
376
:And yeah, it's not petty.
377
:You're just advocating for yourself
in what you need in that relationship.
378
:All right, radiant icons.
379
:That is your tee time session for today.
380
:If you enjoy today's episode, make
sure to subscribe to leave a rating,
381
:a review, to tell your friends about
us, to tell everyone and anyone,
382
:because you know we love more radiant
icons in our iconic community of ours.
383
:Honestly, you guys.
384
:I love the Dare to Be Iconic hotline.
385
:I love nothing more than answering
your questions and man answering
386
:your questions about red flags,
green flags, and those beige icks.
387
:It was so much fun.
388
:I honestly loved it, and I
think I loved the red flag
389
:section a little bit too much.
390
:Like I don't know what that says about me,
but I loved talking about those red flags.
391
:Okay.
392
:I just loved it.
393
:But any who?
394
:Anyway, thank you to
everyone who submitted their
395
:questions for today's topic.
396
:I love today's tea time session.
397
:It was so much fun, and I love, love,
love talking through things with you guys.
398
:Honestly, that's why I
love the podcast so much.
399
:It's just a way to communicate with
you guys on a, a deeper, more personal,
400
:intimate level, and I just love it.
401
:So, yeah.
402
:All right, well I'll chat
with you guys next week then.
403
:Remember, radiant icons,
dare to be iconic.
404
:Bye.
