Breaking The Silence: Misogyny and Self Advocacy with Becs

Amanda Paolicelli: 00:00:04

What's up radiant icons and welcome back to Dare To

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Be Iconic, the podcast made for

icons daring to be themselves.

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I'm your host Amanda Paolicelli and you

guys we are back with everyday icons.

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This week's teatime sesh we

welcome our third everyday icon

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to Dare To Be Iconic, Becs.

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She is a TikTok influencer, a theme

park performer, a radiant icon, and

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one of my closest, closest friends.

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Before I get into the topic of Becs

and I's tea time sesh, I have an iconic

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announcement that I want to share with you

guys before I drop it on socials tomorrow.

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So, let's get into it.

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Mark your calendars for January

th,: 2025

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first ever live virtual event,

New Year, Iconic You Masterclass.

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I am a firm believer that iconic

lives are built on intentional living,

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and that's exactly what we will be

doing in this 90 minute Masterclass.

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Together, we're going to be aligning

our goals, our dreams, our aspirations,

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so we can start planning our most

iconic year yet, because: 2025

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is the year that we start living

iconically together, Radiant Icons.

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I am so beyond excited to

be doing this with you guys.

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Tickets go on sale

tomorrow on daretobeiconic.

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com under the empowerment events section.

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In this masterclass, I forgot to mention

we also have two exclusive giveaways.

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In addition to these iconic

giveaways, I will also be revealing

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two Dare To Be Iconic secrets.

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That's right, you guys.

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What's better than one secret two?

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So what I'm telling you is

that you want to be there.

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So mark your calendars, get your tickets.

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I can't wait to see you guys.

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This is going to be amazing.

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It's going to be iconic.

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Let's do it.

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Cause it's time to start living

our most iconic lives in: 2025

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Okay.

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Now.

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All that information will

be in the show notes below.

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But anyway, let's get into this

week's Tea Time Sesh topic.

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So Becs and I, we're a chaotic bunch.

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We're basically very, very unhinged.

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But this week's Tea Time Sesh It

was a little chaotic, a little

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unhinged, but you know what?

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We spoke the truth because we broke the

silence on misogyny and self advocacy.

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I think it was really important for

Becs and I to have this conversation to

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empower you to use your voice and know

the power behind it, and if something

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is wrong, if something is not right.

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You have the power to change it

because your voice does matter.

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So, with all that being said, I hope

you enjoy my Tea Time Sesh with Becs.

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Are you ready, Radiant Icons?

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Because your Tea Time

Sesh is starting now.

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We have been waiting for this Tea

time sesh, Radiant icons, and has,

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it's been months in the making.

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But you know what?

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You're welcome because this tea time

sesh is definitely gonna be a little bit

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unhinged, but that's just how we are.

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Okay.

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So, Becs, before we get into all the fun

topics that we're getting into today, what

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does iconic mean to you, and how do you

dare to be iconic in your everyday life?

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Becs: So, for me, um, iconic is, you know,

just daring to be your most authentic

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self, um, wherever and whenever you can.

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I'm one of those people that was

like a chronic people pleaser.

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And then I realized that I don't really

care what other people think of me.

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Like if they don't like that I'm loud

or that I advocate for myself, it

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doesn't bother me because those aren't

people that I would want to be around.

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Amanda Paolicelli: So, how do you dare

to be iconic in your everyday life

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then with that definition of iconic?

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Becs: So, advocating for myself

is a big one that I still

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struggle with, uh, to this day.

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And it comes up mostly in workplace

environments where it feels like.

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You'll get ahead faster or you'll get

more opportunities if you just say

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yes to everything Uh, even if it seems

unfair, so that's still something

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that i'm i'm struggling with but that

doesn't stop me for from advocating

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for what I need in a workplace.

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Amanda Paolicelli: I can relate to

that mostly because we both come

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from the entertainment field whether

it's Content creation, acting, so on

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and so forth, like self advocation

is like such a big component of

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what we do because we are putting

ourselves on such a public platform.

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So, let's talk about misogyny,

sexism, and advocacy.

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Becs: Misogyny starts at the audition.

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Like it goes all the way to hollywood to

the way that these actresses like when

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they're quote unquote in their prime

are getting all of these lead roles

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and then All of a sudden, like they hit

an age range that makes them no longer

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conventionally attractive and their

background characters, like they don't

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get to be the leading lady anymore, but

men can continue to be lead actors until

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they die, like, it's literally the same.

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I'm sure when you did theater in

high school, um, you realized that

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in order to be a woman cast in the

show or a girl cast in the show, you

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had to be talented as well as like,

you know, attractive or whatever.

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Amanda Paolicelli: I don't really talk

about this a lot but like, My past, like,

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everything comes from entertainment.

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Like, I got my degree in theater, like, I

was in theater since I was in fifth grade.

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Like, acting was the first true love of

my life, and I stopped after The Strike

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because I just fell out of love with it.

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And I think one of the biggest reasons

why I fell out of love with it is because

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I just kept trying to fit into this

version of myself that was never really

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there or wasn't there, period, actually.

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Like, let's be so for real.

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I was trying to fit this standard what

I thought these casting directors, these

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agents, so on and so forth, wanted me

to be and I wasn't really enjoying it.

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And it took the love out of something that

was really, like, what made me feel alive.

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It's so sad to see the joy of something

that was such a big part of my life be

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taken away because Of all these other

standards of just not feeling like I will

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ever be good enough whether it's looks

wise, talents wise whatever it is like

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it's it's a grueling industry and going

into that like comparison is the biggest

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thing I think for performers so how do you

deal with like comparison in our industry?

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How has that affected your self

esteem and your self confidence?

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Becs: I have actually been on both

sides of this, and neither feel nice.

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Um, but when I was younger, I compared

myself to, you know, other performers,

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You know, oh, she's so much prettier.

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Like, of course she gets

to be a princess this year.

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She's so pretty.

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I wish I looked like that.

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I wish I had like the same,

you know, movements as her.

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I wish I could be that graceful

and just like really, you know,

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tearing yourself apart because you

aren't somebody else is like crazy.

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Cause like, you're not

supposed to be somebody else.

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You're supposed to be you.

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I still catch myself comparing myself

to other women, like to this day, it's

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still something that I am working on.

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It can really tear you apart

mentally and like, just take the,

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the, the passion out of what you do.

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Like acting isn't fun if you're

just trying to be all of these other

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performers that you've worked with, you

know, like you have to bring your own

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flair to the characters and everything.

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And.

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Recently, like last year, there was a

performer that I was working with during

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the holiday season who continuously came

up and would have conversations where they

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were comparing themselves to me and like

making me out to be like what they wanted

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to look like, what they wanted to be.

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It made me insecure in like a different

way and like a way that I had never

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experienced before because I'd always

been on the the other side of that yeah

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but like it caused more shame in me and

like you know I wanted to to be covered up

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because like I don't want to be the reason

that somebody else feels like that because

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I don't want to be the one making other

people feel bad like that So I was ashamed

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of the way that I was, the way that I was

performing because it was making somebody

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else feel like they weren't enough.

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And like, that's, that,

that wasn't fair to me.

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And it's also not fair to them that they

were doing that to themselves, you know?

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Amanda Paolicelli: I think of it as like a

tight rope, you're trying to balance this

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very thin line of What you've previously

experienced and then this whole new wave

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of emotions that you're experiencing

But it's like how do I separate the

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two because then those old wounds come

up out of nowhere and it intensifies.

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So in that situation specifically,

like how did you overcome it?

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Becs: With that situation,

specifically, it, it took me a

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while to come up with a way to go

about it because I felt shameful.

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My first response was Not one that

was led with compassion and it was

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more of like a, well, this is the way

that the entertainment industry is.

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And like, just because you don't meet the

standards doesn't mean it's my problem.

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This is not how I approached the

person, but this was the thought

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that I had initially about it.

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And it's not one that I'm proud of

because that's not the way that the

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entertainment industry should be.

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There should be roles for plus size

performers and taking a step back and

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remembering when I was plus size and I

was trying to fit into you know, these

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roles and looking at all of these women

who were getting these roles and realizing

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that it's not because I'm not talented,

it's because I don't look like them.

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Like, that hurts and finding a

compassionate way to express that to

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the performer who came up to me and was

constantly comparing themselves to me.

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It was a challenge but basically

told them what I had wished

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somebody would have told me.

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Your talent will inevitably

speak for itself.

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You're not going to get every role.

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Not every role is going to be

meant for you, but there is going

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to be one that no one else can do.

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And you need to just be yourself in order

to obtain that role because you might miss

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it if you're trying to be everyone else.

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Amanda Paolicelli: Exactly, and

I think that goes down to, like,

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the core message of Dare To Be

Iconic, which is dare to be you.

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I think what we keep learning is that

the more we lean into every little

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aspect of that makes us us, the more

magical it's going to be because we

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won't miss that role that's meant for us

because we keep daring to be ourselves

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in the audition process, in the callback

process, in every process within it.

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I just wish that was

something that was said.

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I feel like when we started in the

industry, like, We were very young, you

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know, we've done it for a long time.

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You know what I mean?

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Like we're veterans at this.

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Okay.

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And like, at that time when we were

growing up in this industry, no one was

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like saying, just dare to be yourself

because that's the magic in it, like

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everyone was like, Oh, you have to do

this, this, and this in order to be this.

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And I think it's beautiful that

you are using your platform to show

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young women, young performers, that

there's so much magic in leaning into

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who you are in this entire process.

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You know, because acting's not easy,

performing's not easy, and you just

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have to remember to be yourself.

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Becs: And the identity of the performer

will always show through a little

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bit in any role that they play.

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I think that's what, you know, makes

it so unique and so interesting

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and why people will go and see the

same Broadway shows multiple times

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because a different cast will bring

something different to it every time.

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My TikTok For You page recently

has been absolutely filled with,

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you know, Six, the musical.

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Amanda Paolicelli: Oh yes, of course!

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So good!

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I have seen almost Like every

performer who has played every

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role and like yeah, oh my god.

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Yes That is such a good example backs.

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Yes

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Becs: They all bring something so

incredibly different to each of

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the performers and they're singing

the same lines They're hitting

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the same beats and everything, but

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Amanda Paolicelli: they're wearing

the same costumes all of it

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Becs: yeah, and it's just such a

different performance from each of

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them and Watching that is a great like

daily reminder of like I don't need

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to, you know, say this monologue like

everybody else is going to say it.

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I need to say it how I'm going to

say it, because that might then

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be the only one that stands out.

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Amanda Paolicelli: Yeah, and your own

interpretation is so powerful, you know?

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Becs: Yeah, I really, really

do genuinely love all of the

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different, um, interpretations

that all of these incredibly

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talented women bring to this show.

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And like, I can understand why there's

such a big fan base for it, because it's

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an incredible show, like, by itself.

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The original cast, incredible.

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Every cast that has come after that

has brought something else to it.

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Amanda Paolicelli: Phenomenal.

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Honestly, like, it's

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Becs: like listening to the songs

for the first first time again.

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Like, yes,

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Amanda Paolicelli: there's

just so much magic.

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Yes.

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So, so talented.

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And like that show is

just like perfection.

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If you haven't listened to it, radiant

icons, you need to, like, I promise

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you, you need to, it's so good.

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So I want to go back to something

that you had mentioned previously,

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which is shame and when I think

about Shame as a performer.

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There's many with like there's many

different avenues right that we

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can go down it and Specifically I

want to touch on it Shame in the

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aspect of misogyny and sexism.

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Like, let's just be for real.

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And so, are there any

experiences that you have had?

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Becs: There have been a lot of different

experiences, one of the most recent ones.

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I kind of blew up for a moment on TikTok.

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I was scrolling through my comments

and a lot of the, the hateful comments

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that I was receiving, which there were

plenty, they weren't attacking the things

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that I was saying it wasn't because I

was talking about McKamey Manor, which.

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Oh, my God, I can make an entire

podcast episode about that.

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I couldn't start my own

podcast about McKamey Manor.

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It is.

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It's insane.

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Um, but I'm not going to take

up your time with all of that.

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Amanda Paolicelli: I don't think the

radiant Icons, I mean, you know what?

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I don't know.

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The radiant Icons are a

very diverse community.

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Definitely not my vibe.

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Becs is always the one,

um, how can you say it?

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Educating me on, um, all the horror.

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specifics in the world.

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Um, because it's definitely

not my vibe, but you know what?

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That's what makes this work.

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That's what makes this work.

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I talk about Formula 1,

she talks about horror.

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It's great.

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She may not know shit about

Formula 1, but she knows I love

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Lando Norris, so it's okay.

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Becs: And it's great because we both

get to go on long, educating rants about

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the things that we're passionate about.

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Um,

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but the, the, the hateful comments that

I was getting weren't about the things

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that I was saying, or, like, points

that I might have missed, like, they

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didn't hold any water, like, all of

the, All of the hate comments that I

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was getting were going after my looks,

going after the way that my voice sounds.

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When you're seeing hate comments and

the comment sections of men, it's

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usually like fact checking them.

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Like, oh, well you said this wrong.

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It's never being like,

well, you're fat and ugly.

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So shut up.

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Which is like some of the

comments that I was getting.

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And like, part of, I think, advocating

for yourself, is instead of letting

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them hold any, like, power over me, or

letting my comment section be a space

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of negativity like that, I started

to just delete the comments and at

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first I felt a little guilty about it.

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I felt like I was like trying to hide that

people had a different opinion than me.

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But then I reminded myself that

it wasn't a different opinion.

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They weren't telling me

that I was incorrect.

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They were just telling me I was ugly.

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So I feel like part of advocating

for yourself really is like you

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don't need to allow your comment

section to ever be like full of hate.

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And you can just get

rid of those comments.

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Yeah, like, you

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Amanda Paolicelli: You literally have

the power to define your narrative and

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create the space you want to create,

so erasing all the hateful stuff

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is vital in that process, you know?

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Because you know that's not true.

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So I'm gonna delete it from this narrative

that you're trying to paint for me.

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Becs: Exactly that.

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So don't feel bad if you've

ever deleted your hate comments.

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They don't need to be there.

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But also, why are all of my hate

comments about the way that I look?

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But if a man were talking about

the same thing, they would be like,

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fact checking him, or correcting his

information, or Not commenting at all

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Amanda Paolicelli: Yeah, literally

I think that double standard is so

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true and like it goes back to what

you had mentioned in the beginning of

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the body types, right like for women.

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It's always specified Athletic

build or so on and so forth.

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: 00:18:17

But for men, it's just like you

just have to be there Like, you

297

: 00:18:21

literally just have to be there.

298

: 00:18:22

You know what I mean?

299

: 00:18:23

And why is this double standard something

that's so prevalent in society, right?

300

: 00:18:28

So, from your perspective,

how do we break that down?

301

: 00:18:32

How, how do we, how do we start

breaking down the patriarchy?

302

: 00:18:38

Basically.

303

: 00:18:38

Becs: That's, that's, um, I thought

that the Barbie movie, honestly, did a

304

: 00:18:46

great Yeah, that was gonna be the key.

305

: 00:18:50

She handed us some manuscripts and um,

306

: 00:18:56

I don't know and that's It's definitely

a loaded question, but I think Realizing

307

: 00:19:02

where the, the hateful comments

are stemming from is definitely the

308

: 00:19:09

first step in like eliminating the

power that they have over you because

309

: 00:19:15

men are going to hate on a powerful

woman because she's powerful and

310

: 00:19:21

women are going to hate on a powerful

woman because they're intimidated.

311

: 00:19:25

It's either they're intimidated or they

are comparing themselves to you and they

312

: 00:19:35

don't think that they measure up and they

don't know how to measure up, you know?

313

: 00:19:41

Amanda Paolicelli: Yeah.

314

: 00:19:41

Becs: Um, and It's, it's sad to see

that it's not just the patriarchy.

315

: 00:19:49

It's not just men who

are tearing down women.

316

: 00:19:53

There's a lot of really hurt women,

hurt people, hurt people, basically.

317

: 00:19:59

And like, exactly.

318

: 00:20:00

These women have been pushed

down their entire lives.

319

: 00:20:03

And when they see, you know, a powerful

woman, like speaking out about things.

320

: 00:20:10

They, they feel small and

that's why there's, you know,

321

: 00:20:16

hatred coming from them.

322

: 00:20:18

It comes from a place of hurt because

They can't express themselves as well

323

: 00:20:24

as you, or, you know, they're insecure

about, you know, the way that they

324

: 00:20:30

look or the, the way that they would

word things if they were to speak up.

325

: 00:20:35

So I think that recognizing why you're

comparing yourself to others will

326

: 00:20:42

help a lot in your self confidence.

327

: 00:20:46

Like you can always ask for help, you

know, like if you don't know like you're

328

: 00:20:51

Amanda Paolicelli: not

alone, you know what I mean?

329

: 00:20:54

Becs: Like you don't have to to suffer

with this alone and just recognizing

330

: 00:21:02

where it's coming from why you're

constantly comparing yourselves to others

331

: 00:21:06

or you know, why You've decided that

you don't like this specific actress

332

: 00:21:11

or like this specific content creator

like is it an issue that you have with

333

: 00:21:15

their content or You Is it because

you're comparing yourself to them?

334

: 00:21:19

Like for the longest time I

couldn't follow Dove Cameron and

335

: 00:21:22

it's because of my body issues

like, you know No, I get the work.

336

: 00:21:26

It's like the projection, you

337

: 00:21:28

Amanda Paolicelli: know of

our inner selves, right?

338

: 00:21:30

Like the the unhealed parts of us.

339

: 00:21:32

It's always projecting outward and

sometimes I think not sometimes I

340

: 00:21:36

think I definitely know that's where it

stems from though If there's anything

341

: 00:21:41

i've learned in the recent days of

everything Is that it's internal?

342

: 00:21:46

Right?

343

: 00:21:47

Everything starts from that inner

hatred that you either have for

344

: 00:21:51

yourself, or there's a part that's

unhealed that you haven't worked on.

345

: 00:21:54

And like, that's okay.

346

: 00:21:55

Like, we get it.

347

: 00:21:56

You know, not everything, you're not

going to heal everything all at once.

348

: 00:21:59

Like, it's okay.

349

: 00:21:59

It's a work in progress.

350

: 00:22:00

But, Why people hate or why they put

other people down, so on and so forth

351

: 00:22:07

is because it's them projecting their

insecurities or what they wish they could

352

: 00:22:12

be because they haven't worked on it yet.

353

: 00:22:13

Becs: I think, uh, you bringing that up

made me realize that the word that I was

354

: 00:22:18

searching for the whole time as I was

stumbling through that, um, is coming

355

: 00:22:22

from a place of internalized misogyny.

356

: 00:22:25

That's a good one for it,

357

: 00:22:27

Amanda Paolicelli: period.

358

: 00:22:27

Yes.

359

: 00:22:28

Becs: Hate other women, that's usually

where it stems from is they have adopted

360

: 00:22:34

all of these ideas that have been pushed

onto them by the patriarchy and are

361

: 00:22:38

now pushing them out onto other women.

362

: 00:22:40

And think in order for us to take

down the patriarchy, we need to first

363

: 00:22:47

tackle internalized misogyny, you know?

364

: 00:22:52

Amanda Paolicelli: And do you think a part

of, like, tackling, like, internalized

365

: 00:22:55

misogyny comes with, like, compassion?

366

: 00:22:57

Like, do you think that's,

like, a key step of it?

367

: 00:22:59

Becs: I think in this country,

we have lost a lot of compassion

368

: 00:23:05

and empathy towards one another.

369

: 00:23:07

And in order to create that feeling

of unity that this country has towards

370

: 00:23:14

one been able to have in the past,

where it truly was just a difference

371

: 00:23:19

of opinions, you know, about political

things like the economy and, you

372

: 00:23:25

know, borders and all that stuff,

whether or not we should go to war.

373

: 00:23:30

Like that's, that's what politics is.

374

: 00:23:33

Politics should never be about,

well, does this person deserve to

375

: 00:23:38

have the same rights as this person?

376

: 00:23:40

And I think that it's It's

the lack of compassion.

377

: 00:23:44

It's the lack of seeing other

people as people, you know?

378

: 00:23:49

Like, we're all just trying

to do our best to survive.

379

: 00:23:53

And, I think, combating both the

patriarchy, corporate America,

380

: 00:24:00

Amanda Paolicelli: Everyone!

381

: 00:24:01

Just, we're taking everyone down!

382

: 00:24:04

Becs: And the internalized misogyny

will, you know, start to become a lot

383

: 00:24:09

easier when you start to show more

compassion and empathy for other people.

384

: 00:24:13

Like, it would have been so easy for

me to have responded to that performer

385

: 00:24:22

that was comparing themselves to me with

hatred, but that's not Ever something

386

: 00:24:28

that I want to put out into the world

and I, you know, I understood I could

387

: 00:24:32

empathize with the pain that they were

feeling in that moment with the insecurity

388

: 00:24:37

that they had created for themselves.

389

: 00:24:40

Right?

390

: 00:24:41

So, if I hadn't taken the

time to Empathize with them.

391

: 00:24:47

I could have very easily just

been like All the hate comments.

392

: 00:24:51

Oh, well, you were too fat for the role so

which is something that has been said to

393

: 00:24:55

me in the past and that was a voice in the

back of my brain and that's not something

394

: 00:25:00

that want coming out of my mouth, you

know, that's not a Box that I ever want

395

: 00:25:06

to put somebody else in because I know

the pain of being put in In that box.

396

: 00:25:11

So understanding that other people

can have the same experiences of you,

397

: 00:25:17

can be coming from the same place

of hurt, will definitely help tackle

398

: 00:25:22

the internalized misogyny or sexism

that wants to come out when you're

399

: 00:25:31

confronted with something like that.

400

: 00:25:33

You know, something that makes

you feel shameful, something

401

: 00:25:35

that makes you feel insecure.

402

: 00:25:37

I went to an audition once

for a company that I still

403

: 00:25:40

have not auditioned for since.

404

: 00:25:43

Um, and I went up to the casting director

and I asked the casting director if

405

: 00:25:48

they thought that I was wasting my time.

406

: 00:25:50

I will never forget this moment.

407

: 00:25:53

Because it just kind of cemented in me

all of the negative things that I had

408

: 00:25:58

heard about the entertainment industry.

409

: 00:26:01

And it prevented me from advocating

for myself for so long because it made

410

: 00:26:08

me think that this is just the way

that you were expected to be treated

411

: 00:26:13

but I asked the casting director if

I was wasting my time and she looked

412

: 00:26:18

at me and she said, You're pretty,

you're just not princess pretty.

413

: 00:26:23

I never, I never went back to an

audition for that specific company.

414

: 00:26:28

And I think that in itself was

advocating for myself because it's

415

: 00:26:35

not that I am letting what that woman

told me have power over me, because

416

: 00:26:42

obviously I don't think the same.

417

: 00:26:44

I've been a princess before.

418

: 00:26:46

Yeah.

419

: 00:26:48

A couple years later, I

got, I got a princess role.

420

: 00:26:51

So, suck on that, you bitch.

421

: 00:26:54

Oh my god.

422

: 00:26:57

I'm not gonna let

423

: 00:27:00

Amanda Paolicelli: That is the most Becs

response I've ever heard in my life.

424

: 00:27:07

I don't know which one is better.

425

: 00:27:09

There are so many running

through my head that I definitely

426

: 00:27:11

cannot say on this podcast.

427

: 00:27:14

Becs: So regardless, I don't, it's

not that I am not going back to that

428

: 00:27:21

company because I think that she

has this, you know, power over me.

429

: 00:27:28

It's because Advocating for yourself also

looks like walking away from places that

430

: 00:27:34

you don't want to be right and I don't

want to work for a company that will

431

: 00:27:40

allow somebody to talk to People like that

432

: 00:27:45

Amanda Paolicelli: point blank

and period Becs I am so glad you

433

: 00:27:48

said that because you know what a

lot of times I get see look now.

434

: 00:27:52

I have a different Vava boom to me because

okay, it's getting real radiant icons.

435

: 00:27:57

Here's the thing Sometimes, me,

I think that walking away from

436

: 00:28:01

something equals failure right away.

437

: 00:28:03

Because we all know how I hate failure.

438

: 00:28:05

I don't deal with it well.

439

: 00:28:07

But it's vital, right,

in order to move forward.

440

: 00:28:10

But sometimes Walking away is necessary

because you are prioritizing yourself,

441

: 00:28:14

you are protecting your peace, and

you are protecting your mental health.

442

: 00:28:17

And I'm so glad you said that because this

year I didn't do the event that we had met

443

: 00:28:22

on, like, how we started our friendship,

specifically because of this one person.

444

: 00:28:26

And we can talk about it if we want

to, but there was this one individual,

445

: 00:28:31

I'm not, not back to rubbing our hands

together, we were waiting for this one!

446

: 00:28:35

But like, There was this one individual

that, he was my stage manager, and,

447

: 00:28:40

um, when I was under his supervision,

like, he didn't cross a line, he

448

: 00:28:49

definitely just didn't do his job.

449

: 00:28:50

It wasn't until after I stopped

working there when he crossed

450

: 00:28:54

the line with me specifically.

451

: 00:28:55

And, um, I wasn't the only one.

452

: 00:28:58

And for me personally, when this season

came around, I had been the opening

453

: 00:29:03

cast all the way up until like, yeah,

the three years they had done it.

454

: 00:29:06

Right.

455

: 00:29:07

And it was a big part of my life.

456

: 00:29:09

The first year it was horrible.

457

: 00:29:11

I was in a shitty house and I had like

three friends and I was with my ex

458

: 00:29:17

boyfriend, yes, the one with the letter

in the box, everyone he's always in

459

: 00:29:20

these Then the year two, when we had met.

460

: 00:29:24

I had gotten broken up with,

with the letter in the box

461

: 00:29:27

halfway through the season.

462

: 00:29:28

And having my cast was so vital

because that's what I needed.

463

: 00:29:31

Genuinely, I wouldn't have gotten

through my breakup if it wasn't for

464

: 00:29:35

you and like everyone I had met.

465

: 00:29:38

I'm not gonna get emotional

because I've just been crying

466

: 00:29:40

every episode of season two.

467

: 00:29:42

What is going on?

468

: 00:29:44

But like, I needed that.

469

: 00:29:46

You know, I needed the people

in that cast for a reason.

470

: 00:29:49

Perfect.

471

: 00:29:50

I came back so excited and ready.

472

: 00:29:52

You Year three, I think it was

the best yet because I loved

473

: 00:29:56

genuinely everyone in my cast.

474

: 00:29:58

Like my little group, the

Chimosas, we, we got each other.

475

: 00:30:03

I hated my zone, but at

least I loved my cast.

476

: 00:30:06

And at the time I thought, I thought

like a little delusional girl.

477

: 00:30:10

That my stage manager was a

good person and he was not.

478

: 00:30:13

But I had to learn going into

this season, when everyone was

479

: 00:30:16

like, oh, are you doing it again?

480

: 00:30:17

Are you doing it again?

481

: 00:30:18

And I was like, no, I can't.

482

: 00:30:19

Because I had to come to the decision

that I had to walk away from it

483

: 00:30:22

because it was not going to serve me.

484

: 00:30:24

Because I was not going to put myself

in an environment where I can be

485

: 00:30:27

disrespected over and over and over again.

486

: 00:30:31

It gets to a point where

you have to say stop.

487

: 00:30:33

And that is a great example

of advocating for yourself.

488

: 00:30:36

So I'm so happy that you brought that up.

489

: 00:30:38

Okay, now I'm going to take a breath.

490

: 00:30:39

Thank you.

491

: 00:30:40

Becs: I think if we want to circle back

real quick to Misogyny in the Workplace,

492

: 00:30:46

that stage manager was rehired this year,

even though he had a bunch of complaints

493

: 00:30:52

against him from the previous year.

494

: 00:30:56

And it took so many more complaints

this year to get him suspended.

495

: 00:31:04

Literally.

496

: 00:31:05

Amanda Paolicelli: And that's what's so

frustrating about it, is that all these

497

: 00:31:09

women, right, advocated for themselves.

498

: 00:31:11

They stood up and they said that something

was wrong, and it took how many women

499

: 00:31:17

for him to actually get reprimanded?

500

: 00:31:19

And I think it's like something that we

see so much in our industry that it makes

501

: 00:31:24

it hard for young performers especially,

right, people who are just starting in

502

: 00:31:30

entertainment, like, To be like, wow,

like, what's the point of speaking up if

503

: 00:31:35

no one's gonna take my concerns seriously?

504

: 00:31:38

But like, you need to.

505

: 00:31:40

You need to speak and

stand up for what's right.

506

: 00:31:44

Always.

507

: 00:31:45

No matter what.

508

: 00:31:46

Becs: There will always be people who

believe you and who will back you and

509

: 00:31:54

It may even encourage people to share

their stories, you know, you never know

510

: 00:31:59

if you have the same story with the

same, you know, person who victimized

511

: 00:32:06

you unless you speak up about it.

512

: 00:32:09

Amanda Paolicelli: Exactly.

513

: 00:32:09

Becs: And it took one person

speaking up about it this year.

514

: 00:32:14

To get a whole bunch of other female

performers that were made to feel unsafe

515

: 00:32:19

by the specific stage manager to go and

voice their concerns and their complaints

516

: 00:32:24

like Oh, he followed me to my car one

night Oh, he stalks me in every zone that

517

: 00:32:31

i'm in because i'm one of the the roaming

performers like When you speak up you will

518

: 00:32:35

find that there is a community waiting

to back you and you're never alone.

519

: 00:32:42

Amanda Paolicelli: And one thing that

I want to touch on real quick is like

520

: 00:32:45

our friendship specifically, like,

and like how we met and I know I

521

: 00:32:49

mentioned like Becs and I met working

at this Halloween event and, you know,

522

: 00:32:53

working that Halloween event while

I was experiencing one of the most

523

: 00:32:57

traumatic experiences of my life, right?

524

: 00:32:59

The letter in the box, we all

know, great old time over here.

525

: 00:33:04

But like having that community of

women, because my girlfriends got me

526

: 00:33:08

through my breakup, got me through one

of the most traumatic times in my life.

527

: 00:33:11

And like, at that point, like,

Becs I had only known you for

528

: 00:33:14

Oh my god, it was October 10th.

529

: 00:33:17

Halloween season starts, like,

September 8th here in Orlando.

530

: 00:33:20

So, like, I knew you

for, like, three weeks.

531

: 00:33:22

And the day after my breakup, you

didn't even know me that long.

532

: 00:33:26

And you showed up to my house, and

we talked to, like, I think it was

533

: 00:33:29

probably till midnight, maybe even

later, because knowing us, we talk and

534

: 00:33:32

talk and talk, like we just love to yap.

535

: 00:33:36

We yap all the time.

536

: 00:33:38

Becs: Yappin queens.

537

: 00:33:39

Amanda Paolicelli: Literally,

like, we always yap.

538

: 00:33:42

And like, we yap a lot.

539

: 00:33:45

Until the early morning, but it's fine.

540

: 00:33:47

But anyway, like, we yapped a lot, right?

541

: 00:33:49

And you had just known me, and

like, For me, like, I really had to

542

: 00:33:53

lean on the women in my life to get

through the hardest time in my life.

543

: 00:33:57

So, how important is it for you to lean

on the women in your life and creating

544

: 00:34:03

that safe community of women around you?

545

: 00:34:05

Becs: Not only do I, cause this,

this haunt season for me, while being

546

: 00:34:12

one of the best was also one of

the most difficult times in my life.

547

: 00:34:17

It was one of the first times that, I had

to tell myself, Oh, the show must go on.

548

: 00:34:23

And it really felt like it couldn't,

um, and I had such a, a strong

549

: 00:34:29

group of women there supporting me,

understanding, and, you know, pushing

550

: 00:34:36

me to continue, you know, letting me

know that, you know, I'm not alone.

551

: 00:34:42

There were other female performers

who I barely knew who were coming

552

: 00:34:46

up just to, to check in on me.

553

: 00:34:49

It made it a lot easier

knowing that I wasn't alone.

554

: 00:34:54

You should never feel like what you

are going through is something that

555

: 00:34:59

you just need to grin and bear it.

556

: 00:35:03

You have safe space where you

can share and sometimes it helps

557

: 00:35:09

just to talk about things, right?

558

: 00:35:12

Sometimes just just talking through

the pain or the grief with, you

559

: 00:35:18

know, your, your support system

can make all the difference and it

560

: 00:35:22

lifts that weight off of your chest.

561

: 00:35:26

And it's important to know that

that you aren't alone and you don't

562

: 00:35:31

have to do everything by yourself

in order to be a strong person.

563

: 00:35:37

It takes a lot of strength to be able

to do things by yourself, but it takes

564

: 00:35:42

even more to realize when you need help.

565

: 00:35:44

Amanda Paolicelli: I have nothing

to add to that because that was

566

: 00:35:46

just so beautiful and perfect.

567

: 00:35:47

So thank you for sharing your

heart and your vulnerability.

568

: 00:35:50

And, um, I'm just so happy

to have you in my life.

569

: 00:35:53

And your wisdom and your

courage is really admirable.

570

: 00:35:58

So, I wanted to ask you to share Yeah,

571

: 00:36:03

Becs: I'm sorry.

572

: 00:36:03

I'm also very grateful to have

you . I didn't want to interrupt

573

: 00:36:06

your like, Becs, don't make me cry.

574

: 00:36:09

Amanda Paolicelli: Oh

my God, you know, I cry.

575

: 00:36:15

Thank you.

576

: 00:36:15

That's,

577

: 00:36:18

that's very sweet.

578

: 00:36:19

Thank you.

579

: 00:36:21

We're very grateful for each other.

580

: 00:36:22

That's, see, that's the beauty

of friendship, everyone.

581

: 00:36:24

We're able to lean on each other and

lean on the other women in our life

582

: 00:36:29

in order to get through some of the

really, really tough shit, right?

583

: 00:36:32

So I wanted to To ask you if you can

leave one one more one more insight for

584

: 00:36:38

the radiant icons Basically, what is one

iconic insight that you want to leave

585

: 00:36:42

with the radiant icon community before

we end our tea time sesh for today?

586

: 00:36:45

Becs: You don't need to be anybody else.

587

: 00:36:48

You just need to be, as Amanda would

say, the most iconic version of you.

588

: 00:36:53

Dare to be yourself, and

dare to be iconic, I guess.

589

: 00:36:57

Yeah.

590

: 00:36:57

I love you.

591

: 00:37:03

Amanda Paolicelli: so much for

coming on Dare to be Iconic.

592

: 00:37:05

I love you so much, Bex.

593

: 00:37:06

so much for having me.

594

: 00:37:08

Oh my god, of course.

595

: 00:37:10

All right, Radiant Icons, that

is your Tea Time Sesh for today.

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: 00:37:13

I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

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: 00:37:15

If you did, make sure to subscribe,

to leave a review, to let your friends

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: 00:37:19

know about it, to let everyone and

anyone know about it because we

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: 00:37:22

love all of you more radiant icons

in our iconic community of ours.

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: 00:37:27

Next week's Tea Time Sesh may be

one of my favorites because it's

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: 00:37:32

the birthday special, that's right.

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: 00:37:33

It's National Amanda Day.

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: 00:37:35

Well, we're celebrating a day early

because I totally would celebrate

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: 00:37:38

my birthday for the entire month

if I was able to, but I digress.

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: 00:37:44

We're basically recapping chapter 25 of my

life and what we hope chapter 26 brings.

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: 00:37:50

And I'm just ready to

share it all with you guys.

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: 00:37:52

I will see you guys for the

National Amanda Day Celebration.

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: 00:37:56

But anywho, until next time, remember

radiant icons, dare to be iconic.

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: 00:38:01

Bye!